Sometimes...

I've waited a rather long time to work up the courage to write this blog post.... Bear with me, please. 

Sometimes, we have to make difficult decisions. While they mightn't seem fair, they're necessary. After much prayer on the subject, I have decided not return to Crown in the Spring. I hope that you will pray for me as I stay home. This has, for now, been the hardest decision I have ever made. never did I think that I would choose to not return to the place that I love the most. I wish to stay here forever, but I can't. I need to go home for a little while. 

The Lord gives everyone troubles in life just so that we can remember who He is. 

You will never realize how great of  a God He is until you have been broken down. 

While this isn't easy in the least, it is something that I know the Lord God Yahweh wants me to do. I hope that you will pray for me this next semester as I stay home, work, and get my needed medical treatments. I will, of course, be continuing with this blog so that everyone can know how the Lord is working in my life. 

I love being a teacher in an infant room at a daycare. I seriously get paid to take care of babies all day! It is such a great job! I can't wait until I get to take care of my own kids; then, I'll never have to give them back to their parents!

One year down, a lifetime to go...

A year ago today, I finally gave up. I surrendered. I realized that I couldn't survive anymore without being completely obedient to the Lord. It was a year ago today that I surrendered to serve the Lord on the mission field. I had no idea where He was going to send me, and I didn't care. I just knew that I was yielding myself to His will. Just this past year has been a series of constant ups and downs. The Lord has shown me over and over again of how He will provide for me, even when life seems bleak. He will keep me safe, even when the mountains are crumbling right on the path before me. I am so grateful that He is letting me work for Him. 

Writer's Block...

How is it that I have so much on my mind, but I can't think about what I would like to write about? I wrote such a long blog post earlier today, but I still feel as if I need to write more. There's so much on my mind, on my heart, but I cannot express it the way I would like to! The Lord is truly working in my life, and I am so excited about it, but I just can't let my words out? Is anyone out there? Is anyone listening? Or am I just writing this blog like a crazy person talking to herself? How is it that I feel like this? I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I feel as if words themselves mean nothing. The only thing I can truly say right now is that God is perfect. He is still God, and He always will be. 

My friend , Melody, recently introduced me to a poem by a lady named Helen Mallicoat. I wanted to share it on here, for it will help others. I know it will, for it has helped me immensely. 

I AM

I was regretting the past

and fearing the future. 

Suddenly my Lord was speaking: 

"My name is I AM".

He paused. 

I waited. He continued, 

"When you live in the past

with its mistakes and regrets, 

it is hard. I am not there. 

My name is not I WAS. 

When you live in the future 

with its problems and fears, 

it is hard. I am not there. 

My name is not I WILL BE.

When you live in this moment, 

it is not hard. I am here. 

My name is I AM."

When you start worrying, remember that God is there. His name is not I WAS or I WILL BE. He's there right when you need Him. Are you there for Him when He needs you? 

Michael Holverson is my very best friend! ^_^

Oh, Uganda...

James 1:27 "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." 

Many Christians overlook this verse. They are afraid of it. They know that it means commitment. While I do not believe that every single Christian is to work in an orphanage or move to a Third World country, I strongly believe that every Christian should "visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction..". There are over 163 million orphans in this world. 42 million of them are on the continent of Africa. About 1/3 of African orphans are orphans due to AIDS. (Yes, I said it. The word that has become taboo in Christian society. AIDS... the horrible disease that kills over 5,000 people every single day. AIDS... the disease that makes me want to vomit. The disease that crushes me to the core. I hate it.) About 2 million of these beautiful, orphaned children live in the country of Uganda. 

Uganda, the "Pearl of Africa" is a small landlocked country in central Africa. Its people speak mostly English and Swahili. I could list statistics all day, but they mean nothing to me. What is important to me is the beautiful children there that God has given me a burden for. I have known since I was eight years old that I was going to adopt at least one child from Uganda. This past year, God has proven to me over and over again that He wants me to serve Him in Uganda. I am so amazed that He, the God of the universe, wants me to serve Him! I can't wrap my brain around this idea. 

Many times, it is hard for me to stay here. It is hard to continue studying here at Crown. It is hard to stay here in America. In my heart, I want to be in Uganda. The thoughts will not leave my mind. When it is silent, I hear the songs of an African choir. When I close my eyes, I see hundreds of coffee-colored children with doe eyes staring up at me. I want to just go. I want to get my passport, quit school, pack my bags, and leave. 

But I can't. God wants me here. He wants me to finish. His perfect will for my life includes this. I love it here. I do. There is no place in this world (besides Uganda) that I would ever want to be. I love my classes (besides physical science. But I know that it will help me!!! I think. I hope. I pray.) I love my friends; they are my family. I love my family back in Texas. I don't want to leave them. I want to stay comfortable at home. I want to wake up, do dorm and room chores, go to breakfast with my best friends, take classes, go to work, go to church, go home, do homework, take a shower, sleep, and do the routine over again. It's easy. It's my life. 

But I can't. 

Right now, I'm torn between being a "normal" American teenager and being a missionary in a Third-World country. My body is here, but my heart and mind are in Uganda. I am praying for patience. Here's something that the Lord has shown me lately: If you pray for patience, God will not give you patience. He will give you a trial through which you must learn to be patient. That is what He, in His omniscience, is doing right now. He's stretching me. He's pulling on me, getting me to grow. It really hurts, but it is for my good and for His glory. 

I will, one day, be there. But for now, I am here. I am training. Every moment that I am here is preparing me for the moment I step onto the first airplane and fly off into the rising sun. And it will be worth it! 

Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my son; he also is become my salvation." 

The Cutest Thing I've Ever Seen ^_^

This was, without a doubt, one of (if not the) greatest, most wonderfully adorable things that I have ever seen in my entire life. Yesterday, the Korean Children's Choir came to The Crown College and sang a few songs for us. It was so adorable! I loved meeting this sweet children; they were such a blessing to my heart and to everyone else that was there. They are lead by Dr. Billy Kim and vary from about 7-12 years old. They were sooooo cute and such great singers! I loved seeing them sing for the Lord! They sang "Ezekiel in the Valley of Dry Bones" (see the video at the bottom of the post), "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" (which I WILL be adding to YouTube and this blog later), "This Little Light of Mine", "It's a Small World", "Jesus Loves Me", and "Every Time I Feel the Spirit".

The Jabberwocky

I really have the urge to share my favorite poem of all time with you. This is the "Jabberwocky", a poem written by Lewis Carroll in his novel Through The Looking Glass.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; 

All mimsy were the borogroves, 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 

"Beward the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun 

The frumious Bandersnatch!" 

He took his vorpal sword in hand; 

Long time the manxome foe he sough- 

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

And stood awhile in though. 

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled with his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
Al mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

The Daisy- some of my thoughts

When I look into the bright yellow face of a daisy, I think of Your beauty.
When I see the white petals, I see Your hope.
I will never lose my amazement at the fact that You have cared for me oh, so very much,
For only you could take someone like me and make something strangely beautiful.
Through You, I see that love is unending... unchangeable.
I now see that, through Your grace, nothing is impossible...
For you are truly powerful, almighty, and as the daisy You once created...
Breathtakingly beautiful. 

The Shepherd of the Hills (Part Two)

Here are the rest of my notes from Dr. Green's study on the Song of Songs. I hope it is as much of an encouragement to you as it is to me. 

The Beloved came to reveal Himself to His dear Shulamite. He wanted her to know that He was still there for her. George Burrows once said, "The Christian life is a series of visits and withdraws of our Lord, of revivals of grace in the heart and exposure to trials." How very true this statement is! The Lord's voice calls out to us. Above countless voices, the Shulamite woman heard the strong voice of her Beloved. "The Bible which we have in our possession is from cover to cover the majestic authoritative voice of the Beloved, and what power and blessing it brings!" (Dr. Brian Green) 

The Shepherd of The Hills, part 1

This week, Dr. Brian Green, pastor of Calvary Free Grace Baptist Church in London, England, has been at Temple Baptist Church teaching a course on the book of the Song of Songs (also known as the Song of Solomon). He has written a book called The Shepherd of the Hills , and it has been a huge help to me. I only started reading it this morning, but it is such a wonderful book! If you ever have a chance to read it, take hold of it. I wanted to share some of the notes that I wrote down this morning. I'll write the rest of them on here, hopefully, tomorrow.

Part 1: "The View of the Book"

Solomon's Song is the most important song that will ever be sung. The first verse of the song says, "The song of songs, which is Solomon's." It is so important to the Lord that He Himself calls it the Songs of all other songs. He wrote over 1,000 songs, but this is the only one that we still have a written record of. It is an extremely beautiful song that we should all know of.

Although this book is a picture of Christ's love, it also involves true people and places. It is not strictly allegorical! Unlike what I always though, this book of love is not that between Solomon and his Shulamite bride. It is, though, a love story between her and the Shepherd from whom she was taken away. This was most likely written by Solomon after being rejected by her. She couldn't let go of the great love she had for the Shepherd of the hills. (Song of Songs 1:7 "Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?) In this book, Solomon is NOT a picture of Christ but of the sinful world. The Shulamite bride is a picture of the Church which is constantly battling to remain faithful. The Shepherd of the hills is a picture of Christ, truly loving and caring for His bride.

There is a beautiful relationship between God and His Church pictured in this great book. The church is called a building (Eph. 2:19-21), a family (Eph. 3:15), a body (Eph. 4:4) and, most importantly, a bride (Eph. 5:23). The Shulamite woman (the Church) belongs, body and soul, unto the Shepherd of the hill (Christ), but Solomon (the world) always tries to steal her away. The world will NEVER stop trying to get you away from your Beloved. The Song of Songs is pre-eminently about the Beloved, the Shepherd of the hills. Charles Spurgeon once said that "This [The Lord] is the soul and heart of this divine composition." He was so very true. We need to pray to be more and more in love with our Beloved, the Lord Himself! Even when we leave our Beloved standing at the door as the Shualmite woman did, He still loves us. He will NEVER stop loving us. The Song of Songs 2:16 says "My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies."

Part 2: The Vision of the Bride

The young Shulamite woman only desired to run away from Solomon, her dangerous captor. His castle, regardless of its unnatural beauty, was her prison. She hated herself. Many times, she calls herself "black"; she is comparing herself with the fair-skinned beauties on Solomon's court. She couldn't stand any distance from the Shepherd. In the Bible, there is never a mention of any form of "farewell" or "goodbye" kiss. Our Lord will never leave us! His love is much more precious than any earthly pocession or position.

"How wonderful it is that, even in our locak, the Lord works through us!"-Dr. Brian Green

Part 3: The Visitation of the Beloved

On the Shepherd's first visit, he comes to reassure the Shulamite woman. He comes smelling of sweet perfumes, of spikenard, myrrh, and camphire (henna). His sweet smelling savour was so inviting to her. "Is Christ the sweet frangrance of our souls?" (Dr. Green) He whispered words of love to her, calling her "my love", "my dove", and telling her "thou art fair!" He loved her so very much, regardless of how much he had to work to attain her love. Our Lord, our Beloved, loves us so much! I can't believe that He lets me call Him my Father and my Friend! How amazing is that! Dr. Green told us this simple but unbelievable truth: "Christ takes the common, He takes the ordinary, and makes a lot of it!"

One of my favorite hymns is called "Dear Saviour, Thou Art Mine". Most Americans have never heard it, so I'll put the lyrics here:

♪Dear Saviour, Thou art mine,

How sweet the thought to me!

Let me repeat Thy name,

And life my heart to Thee.

Mine! Mine! Mine!

I know Thou art mine;

Saviour, dear Saviour,

I know Thou art mine.♪

I am so thankful that the Lord is mine!

Song of Songs 6:3 "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies." 



Compassion? I don't understand.

Have you ever truly asked yourself if you were "compassionate"? Many times, this word is used in the Bible, but what does it truly mean? The Lord Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the world, had compassion on those around Him.

"And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and he began to teach them many things."

(Mark 6:34 KJV)

Last night, I was reminded of God's what God has for me. So many times, we are distracted by everything around us. We forget about the people. There are over 6.7 billion people in this world. Majority of them have never heard of the Lord Jesus Christ; most of the people who have heard of Him have never accepted Him as their Lord and Saviour. I am ashamed of myself, for I have not taken the time to share His Gospel with these people.

Kevin Carter, a South African photographer, took a picture in March of 1994 while in the country of Sudan. He photographed a young girl, starving to death, crawling with all of her might. She was trying to get to nearby feeding center and had stopped to catch her fleeting breath. A vulture appeared and stood by her, simply waiting to attack. For twenty minutes, Carter sat and waited for the vulture to spread its wings. He finally took a photo (which later went on to win a Pulitzer Prize), shooed the vulture away, and left. He didn't pick up the dying little girl. He left her there, dying in the dust. A few months later, after being criticized for letting the little girl die, Carter committed suicide. He could not live with himself knowing that he had let a human being die and took profit from it.

Many people want to scream at Kevin Carter for the unthinkable thing that he did to this beautiful little Sudanese girl, but he is not the one to blame. Yes, what he did was horrible. Yes, he should have picked up the young girl and brought her to safety instead of taking a lousy picture and letting her die. This is all very true. But, we as Christians do the exact same thing. We walk past people every single day and let them die. These people are dying without God, and the Devil himself is waiting to attack. We take time to bash people for their beliefs (or lack thereof). We take the time to call them names and blame them for their sin. This world is full of sinners; there will be sin. GET OVER IT! Stop attacking people for their sin when you are ignoring God's direct command to you. It's time we put down our cameras and start picking up people.

"Compassion is putting people into your heart."-Dr. Tommy Sexton

Are you truly compassionate? Do you love people where they are and give them the true love of the Lord?