When's the fair weather coming?

Have you ever faced a trial that never seemed to end? One where there seemed to be no light at the tunnel's end? I've been facing one of those recently. It's as if nothing will ever be okay again. It's almost as if God does speak.
A few weeks ago, I heard a message on "What To Do When Jesus Doesn't Speak To You". It helped, but it didn't completely fix the problem.
I've heard messages on "Bearing Your Own Burden". It helped, but it didn't make everything okay, either.
What do you do when absolutely nothing seems to be okay? How do you handle it?
You have to give it over completely to Christ. There's no other option. I promise that no amount of counseling/therapy will help. The only One who will be able to take over is Christ.
Job 37:22 "Fair weather cometh out of the north: with God is terrible majesty."

Catching Up

Wow! Where has the time gone? The last time I posted was in April, and it is now October. So much has happened over the past several months. I've been extremely busy, which is the reason I haven't had any time to post on this blog. Hopefully, I can now be more faithful to it. 

Since I last posted, 

• I worked everyday of the summer as a full-time nanny for my two gorgeous nieces. 
• My best friend moved in with me. 
• I switched colleges and churches. 

Yes, that is correct. I am no longer at Crown College. I am now a student at Lone Star Baptist College in Mesquite, Texas. (lsbc4me.org) It is an amazing, small college at the church our family moved to this summer. We are now faithfully attending Parkside Baptist Church in Mesquite. (pbcmesquite.com) I cannot even begin to describe how much this church has blessed my heart. I was struggling deeply before, and the Lord has used this church to help our family more than I could even say. I am so thankful for His goodness in showing us where to go. Just this past Sunday, my brother, sister-in-law, and two nieces joined the church. It is amazing to see how much God is working in them! 

I'm sure that I'll have more to post in a little while, but as for now, farewell! 

Cutting Up The Scriptures

"I hope that the low pricing does not cause the low prizing of God's Word."-John Wycliffe

II Kings 22:8-10 "And Hilkiah the high priest said unto Shaphan the scribe, I have found the book of the law in the house of the LORD. And Hilkiah gave the book to Shaphan, and he read it. And Shaphan the scribe came to the king, and brought the king word again, and said, Thy servants have gathered the money that was found in the house, and have delivered it to the hand of them that do the work, that have the oversight of the house of the LORD. And Shaphan the scribe shewed the king, saying, Hilkiah the priest hath delivered me a book. And Shaphan read it before the king." 

Imagine spending your entire life until the age of about twenty-five without hearing one word of Scripture. Josiah, the king of Israel, did just this. For many years, the Hebrew people had disobeyed the Lord. Now, the great Temple was just a monument. People would go there for a history lesson instead of worship. One great day, while doing some work on the Temple, some of the servants found a copy of the Book of the Law (which we would call the Pentateuch or the Torah). It was read to the king, and he was astonished by what he heard. He was so disgusted by his sins, by the sins of the people of Israel, that he rent his clothes and mourned. He commanded that all of the false idols be removed from Israel and that the nation turn its eyes solely to the Lord God Yahweh. 

Years later, after Josiah's death, his son was on the throne. Israel had, once again, turned her back on the Lord. How silly! How foolish! (It's sad that we Christians do the same exact thing so often. We forget of His blessings and mercies upon our lives, and we desire to do things that we ought not to do.) 

Jeremiah 36:1-2 "And it came to pass in the fourth year of Jehoiakim the son of Josiah king of Judah, that his word came unto Jeremiah from the LORD, saying, Take thee a roll of a book, and write therein all the words that I have spoken unto thee against Israel, and against Judah, and against all the nations, from the day I spake unto thee, from the days of Josiah, even unto this day." 

Jeremiah did as the Lord commanded. He wrote down that which the Lord said unto him, and when he was finished, the scroll was presented to the king. The king did not like what he heard. He became "fed up" with the Words of the Lord, so he did what so many Christians do: he cut up the Scriptures. (Jeremiah 36:22-23 "Now the king sat in the winterhouse in the ninth month: and there was a fire on the hearth burning before him. And it came to pass, that when Jehudi had read three or four leaves, he cut it with the penknife, and cast it into the fire that was on the hearth, until all the roll was consumed in the fire that was on the hearth.") He cut up the scroll, and threw it into the flames. 

Now, I know what you're thinking. "I would NEVER cut up a copy of the Bible! That's blasphemy! I would never do that!"

Really? You wouldn't? Every time that you disobey the Bible, you are doing just that. Every time that I have a bad attitude about something, I am cutting out Scripture. It's as bad as if I were to do what Jehoiakim did. It is as if I took scissors and cut out pages of the Bible. How many times do we unknowingly cut out parts of the Word of God? 

Sometimes, I am just amazed at how the Lord works. He never does what I think He will do. One of the verses that always helps me remember this is Isaiah 55:8 (KJV). It says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." I'm so glad that the Lord is in charge of things, for if I were in charge, everything would be a mess. I never will understand why He chooses certain things for my life, but I will follow His leading in whatever direction it may be. 

What to do, what to do?

"Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another."-The Doctor (Doctor Who)

I love when people tell me I'm weird. I don't really know why, but I do know how much I love it. I'm not normal in any aspect. In fact, I am interesting. This must mean that I am "mad, in some way or another". I always strive to be myself, not someone else. I was born original; why in the world would I want to die as a carbon copy of someone else? While I'm home, I want to do some things to bid my time. If I stop moving, I'll become full of sorrow; I'll become, as my mum says, a mullygrub. Here are some things I want to do these next few months: 

• Learn how to play Lola, my dulcimer
• Make the t-shirt quilt I have been wanting to make for the longest time 
• Find a pen pal 
• Write more handwritten letters 
• Finish writing a novel 
• Paint the laundry room like I've always said I was going to do... Chalkboard paint on the cabinets? Sounds lovely! 

Well, it's here. This is the hard part. The realization that this is my new reality has finally arrived. I know what should be happening. I am aware that I should be doing all of my laundry, packing up my suitcase, and getting ready to leave once more for Powell, Tennessee. My body is ready to go; my heart is most definitely ready to go. It is strange that I'm not packing. It is strange that I'm not leaving tomorrow or Friday morning like I should be. I keep reading Facebook posts about my friends getting ready to return for school, and it hurts. It is so painful. 

I'm so grateful for the family which the Lord has given me, especially my lovely mother. Mum is the best woman that I have ever had the chance to know, and I am so thankful for her. She is so patient with me. She understands how much this hurts me. She knows how painful this decision has been for me. She lets me cry when I need to, and she tells me what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I'm so thankful for the mum that God has given to me. I love her so very much! 

I miss my best friends more than I ever could have imagined. They're so very special to me, and each of them means the world to me. I love them more than air itself. I feel sorry for people who cannot claim them as their best friends. I guess that if I were someone else, I would envy myself for the friends that I have! I love them so much. 

Home, sweet, Dallas...

Mum and I arrived in Dallas at about 5:00 this afternoon. I'm glad to be back home with my wonderful family again, and I am so grateful to the Lord for the safety He gave us on our journey. Please pray for me while I'm here in Dallas. I'm praying that the Lord will use me while I'm here these next few months in a way that is beyond my imagination. 

No need to say goodbye...

Well, it's not the end. It's simply the beginning of a brand new story. 

Here I am in a small town in Arkansas on the way back to Dallas, Texas for the night with my Mummy. I am quite sad to have left my home of Powell, Tennessee this morning, but I know that this is the Lord's will. He knows what He is doing, even though I do not. I love Him so very much, and I am so glad that He is in control, not me. I know that I would make a mess out of everything. 

But, I miss my Crown family. An awful lot... 

Thomas, Sydney, Becca, Mike, and Myself

 ♪It started out as a feeling which then grew into a hope which then turned into a quiet thought which then turned into a quiet word. Then, that word grew louder and louder 'till it was a battle cry. I'll come back when you call me; no need to say goodbye.♪

Mike and I

♪...Just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before. All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war. Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light. You'll come back when it's over. No need to say goodbye. You'll come back when you call me. No need to say goodbye...♪

Becca, Sydney, Will, Alicia, Caleb, and I

♪...Now, we're back to the beginning. It's just a feeling, and no one knows yet, but just because they can't feel it, too, doesn't mean that you have to forget. Let your memories grow stronger and stronger 'till they're before your eyes. you'll come back when they call you. No need to say goodbye. You'll come back when they call you; no need to say goodbye.♪

 

Sydney and I

Becca, Myself, and Sydney

"Photos, cold weather, and Starbucks remind of us of why we're best friends."

(Song quotes are property of Regina Spektor)

He Knows...

John 6:6 "And this he said to prove him: for he himself knew what he would do." 

You mightn't understand why the Lord is testing you, but He Himself knows what He is doing. The Lord is omniscient; why do we question Him? He is omnipotent; learn to lean on His almighty arms. He is omnipresent; He is with you at all times. 

The Lord is testing you to prove you. He wants to see if you're worthy. 

Stand strong in the face of adversity. Kneel before His throne in humility. Lay in His loving arms. 

He is going to help you, for "he himself knew what he would do". 

♪♫All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Thee, I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live. And I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Saviour, I surrender all.♪♫

Becca can be found at beccagracejohnson.blogspot.com I introduced her to Blogger today!

Also on my list of favorite people in the world, Miss Becca Johnson, my official friend! 

Sometimes...

I've waited a rather long time to work up the courage to write this blog post.... Bear with me, please. 

Sometimes, we have to make difficult decisions. While they mightn't seem fair, they're necessary. After much prayer on the subject, I have decided not return to Crown in the Spring. I hope that you will pray for me as I stay home. This has, for now, been the hardest decision I have ever made. never did I think that I would choose to not return to the place that I love the most. I wish to stay here forever, but I can't. I need to go home for a little while. 

The Lord gives everyone troubles in life just so that we can remember who He is. 

You will never realize how great of  a God He is until you have been broken down. 

While this isn't easy in the least, it is something that I know the Lord God Yahweh wants me to do. I hope that you will pray for me this next semester as I stay home, work, and get my needed medical treatments. I will, of course, be continuing with this blog so that everyone can know how the Lord is working in my life. 

I love being a teacher in an infant room at a daycare. I seriously get paid to take care of babies all day! It is such a great job! I can't wait until I get to take care of my own kids; then, I'll never have to give them back to their parents!

One year down, a lifetime to go...

A year ago today, I finally gave up. I surrendered. I realized that I couldn't survive anymore without being completely obedient to the Lord. It was a year ago today that I surrendered to serve the Lord on the mission field. I had no idea where He was going to send me, and I didn't care. I just knew that I was yielding myself to His will. Just this past year has been a series of constant ups and downs. The Lord has shown me over and over again of how He will provide for me, even when life seems bleak. He will keep me safe, even when the mountains are crumbling right on the path before me. I am so grateful that He is letting me work for Him. 

Writer's Block...

How is it that I have so much on my mind, but I can't think about what I would like to write about? I wrote such a long blog post earlier today, but I still feel as if I need to write more. There's so much on my mind, on my heart, but I cannot express it the way I would like to! The Lord is truly working in my life, and I am so excited about it, but I just can't let my words out? Is anyone out there? Is anyone listening? Or am I just writing this blog like a crazy person talking to herself? How is it that I feel like this? I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I feel as if words themselves mean nothing. The only thing I can truly say right now is that God is perfect. He is still God, and He always will be. 

My friend , Melody, recently introduced me to a poem by a lady named Helen Mallicoat. I wanted to share it on here, for it will help others. I know it will, for it has helped me immensely. 

I AM

I was regretting the past

and fearing the future. 

Suddenly my Lord was speaking: 

"My name is I AM".

He paused. 

I waited. He continued, 

"When you live in the past

with its mistakes and regrets, 

it is hard. I am not there. 

My name is not I WAS. 

When you live in the future 

with its problems and fears, 

it is hard. I am not there. 

My name is not I WILL BE.

When you live in this moment, 

it is not hard. I am here. 

My name is I AM."

When you start worrying, remember that God is there. His name is not I WAS or I WILL BE. He's there right when you need Him. Are you there for Him when He needs you? 

Michael Holverson is my very best friend! ^_^

Oh, Uganda...

James 1:27 "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." 

Many Christians overlook this verse. They are afraid of it. They know that it means commitment. While I do not believe that every single Christian is to work in an orphanage or move to a Third World country, I strongly believe that every Christian should "visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction..". There are over 163 million orphans in this world. 42 million of them are on the continent of Africa. About 1/3 of African orphans are orphans due to AIDS. (Yes, I said it. The word that has become taboo in Christian society. AIDS... the horrible disease that kills over 5,000 people every single day. AIDS... the disease that makes me want to vomit. The disease that crushes me to the core. I hate it.) About 2 million of these beautiful, orphaned children live in the country of Uganda. 

Uganda, the "Pearl of Africa" is a small landlocked country in central Africa. Its people speak mostly English and Swahili. I could list statistics all day, but they mean nothing to me. What is important to me is the beautiful children there that God has given me a burden for. I have known since I was eight years old that I was going to adopt at least one child from Uganda. This past year, God has proven to me over and over again that He wants me to serve Him in Uganda. I am so amazed that He, the God of the universe, wants me to serve Him! I can't wrap my brain around this idea. 

Many times, it is hard for me to stay here. It is hard to continue studying here at Crown. It is hard to stay here in America. In my heart, I want to be in Uganda. The thoughts will not leave my mind. When it is silent, I hear the songs of an African choir. When I close my eyes, I see hundreds of coffee-colored children with doe eyes staring up at me. I want to just go. I want to get my passport, quit school, pack my bags, and leave. 

But I can't. God wants me here. He wants me to finish. His perfect will for my life includes this. I love it here. I do. There is no place in this world (besides Uganda) that I would ever want to be. I love my classes (besides physical science. But I know that it will help me!!! I think. I hope. I pray.) I love my friends; they are my family. I love my family back in Texas. I don't want to leave them. I want to stay comfortable at home. I want to wake up, do dorm and room chores, go to breakfast with my best friends, take classes, go to work, go to church, go home, do homework, take a shower, sleep, and do the routine over again. It's easy. It's my life. 

But I can't. 

Right now, I'm torn between being a "normal" American teenager and being a missionary in a Third-World country. My body is here, but my heart and mind are in Uganda. I am praying for patience. Here's something that the Lord has shown me lately: If you pray for patience, God will not give you patience. He will give you a trial through which you must learn to be patient. That is what He, in His omniscience, is doing right now. He's stretching me. He's pulling on me, getting me to grow. It really hurts, but it is for my good and for His glory. 

I will, one day, be there. But for now, I am here. I am training. Every moment that I am here is preparing me for the moment I step onto the first airplane and fly off into the rising sun. And it will be worth it! 

Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my son; he also is become my salvation." 

The Cutest Thing I've Ever Seen ^_^

This was, without a doubt, one of (if not the) greatest, most wonderfully adorable things that I have ever seen in my entire life. Yesterday, the Korean Children's Choir came to The Crown College and sang a few songs for us. It was so adorable! I loved meeting this sweet children; they were such a blessing to my heart and to everyone else that was there. They are lead by Dr. Billy Kim and vary from about 7-12 years old. They were sooooo cute and such great singers! I loved seeing them sing for the Lord! They sang "Ezekiel in the Valley of Dry Bones" (see the video at the bottom of the post), "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" (which I WILL be adding to YouTube and this blog later), "This Little Light of Mine", "It's a Small World", "Jesus Loves Me", and "Every Time I Feel the Spirit".

The Jabberwocky

I really have the urge to share my favorite poem of all time with you. This is the "Jabberwocky", a poem written by Lewis Carroll in his novel Through The Looking Glass.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; 

All mimsy were the borogroves, 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 

"Beward the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun 

The frumious Bandersnatch!" 

He took his vorpal sword in hand; 

Long time the manxome foe he sough- 

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

And stood awhile in though. 

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled with his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
Al mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

The Daisy- some of my thoughts

When I look into the bright yellow face of a daisy, I think of Your beauty.
When I see the white petals, I see Your hope.
I will never lose my amazement at the fact that You have cared for me oh, so very much,
For only you could take someone like me and make something strangely beautiful.
Through You, I see that love is unending... unchangeable.
I now see that, through Your grace, nothing is impossible...
For you are truly powerful, almighty, and as the daisy You once created...
Breathtakingly beautiful.